There's nothing Philly loves more....

Those who know me know that I really could not care less about sports. I tried to like hockey for cultural reasons when I lived in Finland. It was alright, but it never stuck. I'm sure that AB has recollections of trying to help me understand football during our high school marching band days. I'm sure he'll be the first to agree that I just never really cared enough to learn what "First Down" meant. I've tried to watch the Superbowl a few times, but have found that sports announcers voices tend to lull me into a pleasant sleep. So, as you can imagine, baseball does not interest me at all.

I ran into one of my neighbors while waiting for the subway last night. He introduced me to his girlfriend and said they were going to the game.

"What game?" I said. He looked at me with a slightly horrified expression.

"What game? The Phillies!"

"Oh."

So you see, Reader(s), I just don't care about baseball. There was another game today, in Philadelphia. This time I didn't need to be told. I noticed the people on the train, dressed up in their Phillies best. Turns out today's game was the clincher... The Phils are division champs.

I played a concert today in Verizon Hall in the Kimmel Center. Start time was 3:00. Based on what I have observed about Philadelphia, I would not have been surprised if no one showed up. 3:00 was the start time for the Phillies Game. Based on the fact that the Phillies are the losing-est team in the history of sports (with over 10,000 losses!), I never would have guessed they'd get this far. I'm betting I'm not the only one who thought that.

So, we've established that I don't know or care about baseball. But I do care about Philadelphia. And if there is one thing that Philly loves, its when Philly does good. When the score was announced at intermission, the crowd went WILD. I felt like I was actually IN the stadium, not at a pops concert, of all things. After the show, Peter Nero came out and announced that the Phillies had won-- even I was happy. Upon exiting the hall, it was easy to see that the entire city had gone ape-shit.

Philadelphia has problems. Lots of problems. It is has the highest violent crime rate of any city in America. Its so dirty it makes New York City look pristine. The Mayor is useless and the rest of the politicians are pretty corrupt. But what I love about Philadelphia is that it an honest place, with people who love it for its humble "We're not New York!" attitude.

There is an honesty about this city that I love. And there's nothing I like more than seeing everyone in Philly think that this city is as great as I do.

I've always wanted to do this.

Its not called freelancing because I work for free.

Its a fun week to be a freelancer here at the Ren's Nest. After logging about 13,000 frequent flier miles in the past six weeks, its nice to be home for awhile. It seems that my freelance career wasn't hurt by being away for a year, which was something that I had feared. In fact, my work has become more centralized in Philadelphia thanks to somehow finding myself in the good graces of a very prominent contractor in the City of Brotherly Love. While the gigs aren't "high art" by any means, they fit in the "entertainment" category, playing with some good musicians that make for a good time. And, I never have to get in my car! Its all subway commuting for me! (Except for a runout to Trenton on Saturday, but I can handle that!) So while the subway is smellier and dirtier than my car (hard to believe, but true), it means never having to find a parking spot in Old City and rare trips to the pumps.

The first of the gigs this week is as a sub for the Sondheim musical "Assassins." Now, I happen to like musical theatre, but even if I didn't, this is a great show. Its incredibly intelligent and the actors in this company are top notch. I'm also incredibly impressed with the conducting skills of the music director. To play the keyboard parts and still manage to keep track of the actors and the seven members of the pit and remain clear as daylight is, lets say, comfortable, for all involved. Now, perhaps my impression is just colored by the fact that I've been playing OCP all summer with the most incompetent, unclear, and awful "conductor" to ever walk the planet. Nah. That couldn't be it.

The second of gigs this week is the Philly Pops. I've never played with this organization before, but I've heard its a fun one. You might ask if I'm tired of all the @#$%$@#%^ pops music I've been playing in the past months. And the answer would be yes. I am. But mostly what I'm tired of is playing shit. Actually, I am finding lately that I don't really care what it is I'm playing if the quality is good and the players act remotely professional. Would I rather be playing Mahler? Duh. I don't mind being the "entertainment" sometimes. I think the only thing I really truly object to is the patriotic 9/11 memorial shows. They kinda make me wanna barf.

It is hard to get used to being a freelancer again after being "gainfully employed" for a year. Those steady paychecks sure were nice. And so was the health care. But there are a lot of things that I like about freelancing, too. I like being able to turn down work (not that I do a lot of that, but theoretically I could if I wanted to). I like the variety, and I like meeting lots of new people. I like running into people on gigs who I haven't seen in awhile, and I like not really having many morning rehearsals. So this is okay for now. It'll be more okay when I get my next paycheck and I'm not DIRT POOR. But I don't really mind the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Oh, and since a number of you have asked recently, my chops are getting better at a rapid rate. My high range is more and more reliable every day. I don't think I'll be taking any principal horn auditions for awhile yet, but I think I might again at some point.

Fall is my favorite season, especially in Philly. How about you guys?

Where can I get one of these?

So, I was looking for a rumored video clip of Rossen Milanov's Bulgarian cooking show on YouTube. Alas, no dice yet, but I did find this. I want one!

Thoughts on playing the horn... at all.

My trip to Madison last weekend was everything I thought it would be, with the added bonus of seeing SM and laughing so hard my sides hurt. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard and that long. Making new friends is a great feeling, but seeing old ones is just so satisfying. Its great to reunite with people after a few years and pick up where you left off with so little effort.

It was also great to see DH. For all the issues that we may have had at one point, I think they're pretty much resolved now. DH is one of the kindest, most compassionate people in the world, and he just happens to be able to diagnose a problem. For as analytical and heady as he can be (to a fault as many of us know), he has given so much thought to teaching and creating a safe environment for his students over the years that I can't think of a better person to help fix problems.

And they aren't gone. He's a great teacher, but he certainly isn't a miracle drug. But he provided the most succinct and thoughtful advice that anyone has given in awhile. He got into my head, but it was alright. I wanted him there. I needed DH to figure out how I'd gotten to where I am, and to let me know that he had the utmost faith that I'd get through it in tact, and a better horn player BECAUSE of it, not in spite of it. It was also incredibly helpful to talk to someone who knows my playing. Although I've gotten some pretty good (and, arguably, pretty bad) advice from other individuals, playing for DH was different. History is what was keeping me from seeking his help and advice in the first place, but ended up being the thing that helped me the most.

I have a local audition this Saturday and the Portland audition on Tuesday. While I feel pretty prepared for the local one, I feel a little out of my league for Portland, admittedly. I knew when I booked the flight, however, that there was a chance I'd just be showing up to get my deposit check back. I don't feel as prepared as I would like. And I hope to do everything I can in the next few days to remedy that as much as possible, but Rome wasn't built in a day. I have modest hopes for my first foray back onto the audition circuit.

So if you'll excuse me, I have to go think about fourth horn excerpts some more.

Isn't it time to let it go?

Okay, here's my disclaimer, Reader(s). I think the tragedies that occured on September 11, 2001 were absolutely awful. I have personally never witnessed anything like it in my lifetime, and hope nothing like it ever happens again. I have heard my grandparents talk about the bombing of Pearl Harbor and my parents talking about JFK's assassination. I wasn't born when Three Mile Island almost melted us all, and I wasn't quite old enough to remember the Challenger explosion. So 9/11 is the first moment in the living history of the United States of America that I remember. It's my first "Where were you when...." story.

Today marks the sixth anniversary of the collapse of the World Trade Center and the other tragedies surrounding it. And I just came home from what is becoming an annual event for the Pops Orchestra: The 9/11 Tribute Concert. I'm sure you can imagine what this entails:

The SSB sung by a cappella by a fairly inept and somewhat tone deaf local high school student. Actually, in hindsight it's probably better that she sang it a cappella. That way she could modulate as much as she wanted ( i.e. drift horribly flat) and it didn't matter as much to the untrained ear. I do think she picked a starting pitch that was a little on the high side, as evidenced by the last note in particular. The SSB is not easy to sing, and I'm certainly not the first person to point this out. America should take a lesson from Canada on this one. Canada has a really nice, very singable national anthem. Actually, most countries do.

God Bless the USA This is the 80s song with the lyrics "I'm proud to be an American, Where at least I know I'm free, blah blah" This song makes me want to hurl.

America the Beautiful Nice tune. Nice words. Bad modulations in this particular arrangement, but I'm actually willing to overlook that since I generally think this is a pretty song that's entirely appropriate. Easy to sing WELL too.

What a Wonderful World Now, this one confuses me. Singing that tune on 9/11? Next thing you know, in the words of my friend Luigi, we'll be walking around saying "Happy 9/11!" to each other. I know that the occasion doesn't necessarily call for completely somber music. I think Barber's Adagio got a little too much play in the weeks following the WTC's demise. But really, "What a Wonderful World?" I think that's pushing the envelope a little too far in the wrong direction. The irony in this one was just too much for my little brain. Oh, and it was sung by the tone deaf soprano, the one who sang the SSB. She did attempt to modulate down by about a 1/2 step, but the orchestra wasn't going with her, so she decided it best to go back up again.

You'll Never Walk Alone from the musical "Carousel" sung by the aforementioned tone deaf singer. Not a bad tune. Even if you don't think you know this one, I'm fairly sure you do. Thankfully, she didn't have opportunity to attempt modulation in this one.

Some newish piece written by a local composer who shall remain unnamed. This is not a person that you've ever heard of, but I would hate to trash him and have it come up in a Google Search. Suffice it to say that it was worse than any composition I have ever played at those God-awful composer reading sessions that we used to do in school. I'm not exaggerating. He wrote it as a memorial piece, post 9/11. It really never should have left the house.

Stephen Foster and George Cohan medleys What's a national tragedy without some good, happy medleys that include songs like "Sewanee River" and "Give My Regards to Broadway"?

Marches. Three of 'em.

The Armed Forces Salute I have to say, I don't mind this part. I think its nice to honor the men and women who have served in the military. It also gives the audience a chance to clap, which the Pops audiences seem to thoroughly enjoy. No one seems to know the Coast Guard anthem, though. However, that doesn't seem to stop them from clapping along.

God Bless America I don't know how this got to be the unofficial national anthem post 9/11, but I hate it. Actually, come to think of it, it probably has something to do with the fact that the SSB is unsingable, as I mentioned. But I digress. This song offends me. One of the main points of America, I think, is that you don't HAVE to want God to bless it. You don't have to stand beside her or guide her or whatever. "Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses longing to be free" is pretty self explanatory. It doesn't say "Give us your conservative, Christian, Heterosexual masses who aren't going to question the authority of the government." I'm on my soapbox, I'm now going to step off of it.


So, here's my point: Isn't it time we put this stuff down? Isn't all the hullabaloo getting a bit exhausting? I know that this is still very fresh and very raw for families who suffered losses, and my heart goes out to them. But isn't it time for them to mourn in private? Isn't it time that we put the flags at half mast, observed a national moment of silence, and then left the rest up to each individual? The constant bombardment by the media has certainly lessened as each year goes by, but hasn't everything been said? Perhaps I'm wrong and insensitive, but this seems over the top to me.

So what am I supposed to put on my resume?

One of the nicer things to happen to me since my return to Philadelphia was the return of one of my freelancing gigs, The Haddonfield Symphony. I ran into this guy at the Kimmel Center and he very graciously offered my job back, which was surprising to me, since I subbed out of this organization more than I actually played. But it worked for the best, since I do a lot of daytime gigs for this group, like brass and woodwind quintet outreach concerts. I'm not complaining, I was just a little surprised.

Yesterday, five of the brass players were asked to play a fanfare for the "Name Change Press Conference." The Haddonfield Symphony has been performing in Camden for the last year, and does outreach all across the state of New Jersey, so Haddonfield was a bit of a misnomer. I figured that the new name would be something along the lines of "Symphony Camden" or "Camden Philharmonic." As non-plussed as I might have been to have America's Most Dangerous City on my resume, it would have been a more accurate representation of the group.

When I picked up DM, our trombone player, he asked if I'd heard what the new name was. "No," I replied, "What?"

"Symphony in C."

Long pause.

"You're kidding, right?" I said.

"Nope."

***

Now, one of the best parts of the ceremony was when the music director, Rossen Milanov, stood up and was talking about what the "C" meant. And he said things like, "C is for Camden. C is for Commitment. C is for Community." And all I could think of was a big blue monster singing, "C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me!" It took every ounce of self control to keep that to myself until we were in the car on the way home. I was not the only one thinking it.

One of the things that this article says is that the name is more modern, and a better reflection of the organization, thinking outside the box and stuff like that. But in 20 years, isn't it going to sound horribly dated? And for that matter, doesn't it sound completely stupid NOW? DM and I both agreed that we're leaving "Haddonfield Symphony" on our resumes. "Symphony in C" is just lame.

Heading back to the Homeland

When I was home a few days ago, I found myself in a discussion with my mom about teaching-- what makes a good teacher, what made some of my teachers great, etc. And of course, DH came up. And I said something to the effect of "Well he's a little bit of a quack sometimes, but he can fix anybody. I saw him turn some people who hardly knew which end of the horn was which into some pretty decent players. If you need fixing, he's the guy."

It took me a few days for what I had said to really dawn on me. Here I spent three years studying with "the dude" who fixes people's problems. Probably the one guy in the USA with the knowledge, compassion, and guts to really dig into whatever my playing problems are and set me right. He's a phone call away, and why have I been resisting? Probably because of my own pride. My time in Madison ended strangely, and DH and I had somewhat of a falling out. But lets be realistic, that was over two years ago. And if there is one person who I know will be compassionate and devoted to helping me fix my playing problems, its DH.

So I emailed him. I ended the email with, "And I'm thinking of coming to see you." And he wrote back and said, "Come see me. I'm concerned. I make no guarantees, but I will help you." So I booked a flight to Madison this coming weekend (with the EXTREMELY gracious financial assistance of my parents) and I'm going to shell out some major dough to have two lessons.

There's a lot of pride-swallowing in my apartment today. I'm pretty sure that D will say some things that will drive me up the wall. And I know that he'll probably get a little too philosophical for my tastes. And he might talk about birding.

But I also think this will happen:

I will walk into his office and he'll sit down in his rolling chair, adjust his glasses, look at his blue folder of notes from when I studied with him and say, "Well?" I will have done everything in my power to come across as a poised, confident individual, but this is likely the moment when he will look at me and all that poise will go straight out the long skinny window. I'll start crying and tell him the whole damn story. He'll scoot over, grab the box of tissues (because this has likely happened before) and then we'll get down to the nitty gritty of fixing my face.

I also have a feeling that it will be well worth every damn cent.

Savasana

Savasana is the "corpse pose" and it is almost always (regardless of what type of yoga you practice) at the end of the practice. It is a time to reflect and relax. I've heard it said that some people find this to be the most difficult part of the practice. The point is to just surrender your body and your mind. You don't have to focus on twisting or stretching your muscles, or on focusing your gaze, you just have to BE. I can see why people find this difficult, come to think of it.

I went to a led class today (rather than the self-instructed Mysore style Ashtanga that I have been doing a lot of lately). It was a good class, and just what I needed since I've decided that my practice has been getting a little sloppy and lazy as of late.

I have always found the closing sequence in Ashtanga yoga to be particularly difficult, mostly because by then, I'm really tired. Not only that, but these poses involve a lot of core strength and are usually held for between 10-20 breaths, rather than 5 like the previous asanas (poses). After what I thought was a particularly productive and strenuous closing sequence today, I was grateful to lie down in savasana.

And as soon as I started focusing on "letting go," I realized just how hard I've been working to not "let go" for the last week or so since I got back from Calgary. I started to cry, and admittedly, I wanted to sob. While sobbing might have been just the release I need right now, something told me that I would be supremely embarrassed if I actually did let go that much. So I held it together and cut my savasana short.

But it made me realize just how much I'm holding in lately, and the fact that my high range seems to have disappeared entirely in the last week seems pretty indicative of the fact that I can't separate my horn playing from my emotions. Thoughts?