wow.

So, I haven't seen this commercial here in Canada just yet, but someone on Facebook gave me a heads up...

Randomness

The clock is ticking, Reader(s). My time in Calgary is drawing to a quick close, and I don't know how I feel about it. Some day, I can't WAIT to get back to Philadelphia. I think about my apartment and the things there, the streets and Kelly Drive and that coffee shop I like in East Falls... But other days, I look around at what I've got here and its really not bad. Some parts of it are absolutely wonderful. So I just do what I can, one day at a time. There's really not much else to do when you think about it....

Yoga is still an amazing force in my life. But what I'm trying to reconcile right now is the fact that I can make all sorts of time to do the 72 asanas of the Full Primary Series but I can't seem to sit down to practice for more than 10 minutes at a time. I'll sit down with my horn and then get so easily distracted, the next thing I know I'm typing an email or watching TV. And sometimes I don't even realize that I'm not practicing the horn anymore! I'll suddenly come to my senses and realize that I do not have a Rauch in my hands anymore, and I am, in fact, watching Ellen.

So do any of you have any suggestions on how to fix this? How can I get my music concentration back?

Today's Postsecret was really really good. This was my favorite one. I just stared at it for a few minutes because all I could think was, "I know how that feels."

I sure do love the muppets.

Tally

So on my most recent trip to Invermere, BC, I saw:

1 Bald Eagle
1 Golden Eagle
7 Mule Deer
1 Bobcat
~ 20 Bighorn Sheep
7 Loons
2 Canada Geese (coming in for a spectacular landing on the lake, I might add)
2 Trout
Lots of freshwater clams
7 now dead mosquitoes
1 hornet (which I ran away from)

and... the piece de resistance....

1 Aquatic Car from the 50s



Yes, it was awesome. Pictures soon, I hope.

Ha.

I guess y'all heard that Jerry Falwell died. I watched that news piece with a bit of a raised eyebrow and wondered if he actually gets to go to the heaven about which he preached. I didn't think about it too hard, though, because I realized that if he's the type of person you meet in heaven, I want nothing to do with the place.

But Slate.com posted this article today and I just got such a kick out of it, I had to share.

You might...

I'm always saying that you should live your life to the fullest because you might die tomorrow.

The horn player who had been offered a one year contract to replace me in the CPO next year died in a plane crash a few days ago. My heart goes out to his family and friends, and it serves as a harsh reminder to me that I'm right.... you could die tomorrow. So if you love someone, you'd best tell them. Figure out what's important to you, and always keep that in the front of your mind.

Here's the article.

Thoughts ?

My time in Calgary is drawing to a quick close, and I'm sure you all (yeah, all three of you) have noticed the lack of blogging as of late. That is due mostly to the fact that I'm spending nearly every waking moment with JW. I have many MANY thoughts about this relationship, but most of them are not really the type of thing to post on the internet. I'm in love-- lets just leave it at that, okay?

My mom came to visit last weekend. We had a nice visit-- she came to the concert, met some of my friends, and we went to Banff, of course. She asked me, as we were driving out the Transcanada Highway, if the splendor of the mountains ever wore off. I thought about it, and I have to say that although the Canadian Rockies don't surprise me like they used to, they are still amazing. For those of us who grew up near the ocean, do you remember going to the beach every summer? Remember what it was like when you first saw the ocean after a long time away from it? It never seemed to get any smaller to me during the winter months, that's certain. I'm starting to love the mountains the way I love the ocean. It'll never replace the sea air, but there is magic here, I'm sure of that.

And now I'm back in Invermere, BC with JW and two of our friends. (A reduced orchestration Baroque concert gave all of us the week off! Hooray!) This is the site of my "embouchure rehabilitation" a few short months ago. And while my chops still aren't back to exactly where they were, I am so much stronger than I was then. I played a concert last night and didn't feel terribly bad about it. I might even start auditioning again soon, which is a really hopeful and wonderful feeling.

Amazing that, after all of my bitching about how badly and desperately I wanted to leave Calgary.... I am feeling very conflicted about actually leaving. I can see where I went wrong in a lot of ways (most of which I'm not willing to announce on my blog) but I can also see what I've learned. Mostly, though, I think I've learned that no place is perfect. I certainly wasn't happy in Philly when I got there. I was not particularly happy in Calgary for a very long time, and I let that get into my playing. I also, legitimately, injured myself. But my hatred of the city didn't aid in my recovery, of that I'm sure. I'm also sure that I would have left long ago if it wasn't for J, who seemed to walk in when everyone else seemed to walk out. But I digress.

I could be happy here. I know that. I can see that. I would need to spend a lot of time doing yoga, and finding some students, and creating my own playing outlets... but I would do that now, if I had the opportunity. Unfortunately, I don't have that opportunity. But I have been happy before, and I'm happy now. I anticipate some unhappiness when I get back, but time heals all wounds, I hope. You never know where you'll end up, and you really can't predict the future.

I have to go, but I'll try to be a little more frequent in my blogging habits. I make no guarantees, as the weather is finally perfect, and I'm in love......

This Just In:

Read This.

Re: May Day! May Day!: An Inquiry

My friend Clara posted this today.

I was moved for a variety of reasons. First, I can sympathize with that feeling of listening to a recording and feeling yourself crash. Feeling that this whole idea of being a professional musician is completely absurd is one that I'm quite familiar with lately. I would say that it haunts me almost hourly. But I also really appreciated her descriptions of classical music-- why its relevant, why its different than pop and jazz music. And that brings me around to this week at work....

Beethoven 9 and John Adams' new work, "On the Transmigration of Souls" are two very compelling and very relevant pieces of music. I really can't think of a better pairing for Beethoven 9. Granted, I like new music, and I like John Adams. Perhaps someone else would think differently, but then, that's what makes horse racing interesting too. But I digress....

I'm playing assistant on the Beethoven and as all of us horn players know, playing assistant is a challenge and often a complete bitch for a variety of reasons. All guts, no glory. Can't hear a thing where I'm sitting, then I sit for long periods of time and when I bring my horn back up, my intonation is crap. But I reconcile that feeling by reminding myself that it is a privilege and an honor to play Beethoven.

I only wish my colleagues felt the same.

I know, rehearsing is tedious. No one likes being scolded for sounding late. And no one likes it when Roberto hollers about intonation. But no one likes it because it hurts the fragile musician ego. I don't think anyone actually relishes the often boring time spent in rehearsals. Perhaps I'm just too idealistic and optimistic when I say the following though: it really could be a lot worse.

There is a lot of anger in this organization that I fail to see justified most of the time. I know, I know. Its complicated. Lockout, management, salaries, paycuts, music directors, contracts, money, money, money... Things sure could be better. But how is it possible to get anything done when this negative cloud hangs over every rehearsal, every meeting, and every performance?

And the worst part is that it perpetuates itself. Once one person starts it is SO EASY to get sucked in and start agreeing with them-- you start to feel righteous and indignant and pretty soon, you are just as toxic as they are. I recently decided to take a stand against a particularly obnoxious violinist who never has a good word to say about ANYTHING. (I'm not taking any liberties when I say that I've never heard a nice word out of her mouth.) A few nights ago when she complained to me that the opera was so long and couldn't it start a little earlier (it was Wednesday night at 7:30) I said, "Well, it could be worse!" and she said (bitchily), "I guess that depends when you get up in the morning." And I responded with a cheerful smile and "Well, we could all be working at McDonalds!" Then I walked away.

Seriously, we're musicians. Did we all not realize that we'd be in for some late evenings and long concerts when we signed up? Did we not know that operas are long? (A shout-out to Spot right now. Playing "Der Ring" must be arduous. Props, my friend. Props.) BUT I HAVE A STRONG SUSPICION THAT WHEN SPOT SIGNED UP FOR 40 WEEKS OF AN OPERA ORCHESTRA, HE KNEW THERE WOULD BE SOME LONG SHOWS! (Probably many of those shows are on weeknights, right? And Friday and Saturday nights, too?)

I'm not saying that it isn't hard. I'm not saying that we don't have a right to complain sometimes. But this toxicity does nothing for morale, it does nothing to strengthen the position of the orchestra 'versus' management, and it doesn't nothing for our mindsets as musicians. (At least it does nothing for mine. I suppose I can't really speak for anyone else.) Wouldn't our position be strengthened by approaching the problems in a more constructive way, rather than just raising our voices against these perceived injustices?

I know I'm going on a bit here, but what's the fun of having a blog if you can't rant sometimes?

PM of the OSM (who recovered from an overuse injury about 7 years ago) told me to stay positive and focus strongly on the good things. This was something I was good at once, and its working for me now. I'm trying to keep my thoughts positive and my feelings towards my friend, family, and colleagues as positive as I can. But it is a real struggle in this atmosphere. I'm off to another rehearsal soon, hopefully this one will be better for me.

Any suggestions for dealing with this? I don't think I can continue telling the obnoxious ones to go work at McDonalds.