How bad is it?

I was practicing Mozart 4 in my little practice hut a few mornings ago. It wasn't going well. Although I'd had a really solid warm up that morning, there was something about Mozart that just wouldn't go. (Horn players can identify with this, I am sure.) I walked back to the Music building here at Banff to get a drink of water, and as I passed my friend MG's practice hut, he said, "How's it going?" And I said, "I suck." I walked into his 10' x 10' foot hut in the woods and we talked about how some days, we just want to pack it in. But we keep coming back for more practice room abuse every single day.

I went back to my practice room and attempted something a little different: the "Short Call" from Siegfried, by Richard Wagner. This short orchestral excerpt, for those not familiar, is what could only be described as "Balls to the Wall." It is loud, high, and fast, and there's no hiding from the last note. I was working my way through it and MG came up to the window and said, "That sounds good! What are you talking about?" And I shrugged and made a "so-so" gesture. He walked into my 10'x13' hut and said, "Fine, if that sucked, play it badly for me."

I have seen this trick before. I said, "No, I can't play it intentionally badly, M." And he badgered me to do it. So I played the opening line. It was pretty flawless. He stopped me and said, "No, I said to play it badly." And I said, "I can't."

And he said, "I guess it isn't that bad, then." And walked out.

So I guess what I want to know, reader(s), is why are we so damn hard on ourselves when we practice? What is perfection, anyway? And if you achieved perfection, what would you do with it? What reason would you have to keep going into the practice room to get better? And maybe sometimes, I just need to try to play it badly to realize that it isn't that bad. Thanks, MG.

Back to life, back to reality....

Still loving my time at Banff, reader(s).

But I'm starting to look forward to integrating what I've learned into my "real life."

Banff is an amazing place with an energy unlike anything I've ever felt before. I learned the other day that the Native Canadians wouldn't come here because they believed the energy to be too powerful. Banff sits on the edge of two adjoining techtonic plates, which makes it akin to having a full moon all the time. And that doesn't surprise me at all.

I'm grossly out of touch with the world here. I haven't read a newspaper or turned on the tv in 4 weeks. Can't say I miss it, but I'm beginning to feel out of the loop.

So the only thing they seem to want me to do here is play my horn. So that's what I'm doing. And darn it if I'm not getting better.

I'm a different person than when I arrived. And I can't wait to show off the "new me" when I get back to the real world.